Love Yourz: Learning to Love Yourself in the Eyes of Christ

"No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing as a life that's better than yours
No such thing, no such thing"
— “Love Yourz” by J. Cole

I’ve read a lot of self-help—or personal growth—books that come to one conclusion: you are the answer to your own peace, joy, and happiness. And the more you prioritize yourself, the more likely you’ll find what you’re searching for.

Then on the other hand, I feel like there are a lot of Christians who have read that living a life of Christ is sacrificial—that we should die to ourselves and surrender our own desires to become more like Him. That’s scripturally sound.

So where’s the balance?

The Journey Begins: 2016

I started this journey in the summer of 2016. I had just broken up with my girlfriend at the time and I was searching for answers—for myself, for the relationship, what I could’ve done differently, and how I could “get better” for the future.

My mom, who had taken an interest in personal growth leaders (without exactly knowing exactly what I was going through), invited me to a conference called Mindvalley, led by Vishen Lakhiani, the author of The Code of the Extraordinary Mind. That experience opened my eyes to the world of personal growth for the first time. I remember sitting there thinking, “This is modern-day philosophy.” It sparked something in me—a hope that maybe I could fix myself.

But I soon realized: something deeper was missing.

When Growth Isn’t Enough

Being the post-divorce middle child at the end of my teen years, it was layered. I searched for answers through countless personal growth books. And to be honest, I enjoyed them. They gave me practical advice I could apply right away—books like:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel
• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins (a recent favorite)

These were helpful. But no matter how much I learned, it never fully answered the feeling that something still wasn’t whole.

Was I lacking love?
Was I lacking purpose?
Was I lacking confidence?
Was I lacking community?
Was I lacking deeper intimacy with God?

Sadly, the answer to all of these was: yes. But knowing what’s missing and even the answers to them; and actually feeling whole are two completely different things.

Finding My Identity in Christ

The biggest breakthrough in this journey wasn’t in a book—it was in realizing that my root identity in Christ was broken… and that fracture had spilled into every part of my life.

I let relationships define my worth. After a broken engagement, I chased meaningful (and not-so-meaningful) connections to fill the emptiness. I masked the loneliness and heartbreak with alcohol. I spiraled—until another breakup hit me so hard, all the emotions I’d buried finally came to the surface.

Before God could start building something new in me, I had to stop trying to fill my life with things that were only keeping me stuck. I had to reset.

I went back to ground-zero with God and just… started seeking Him.

Living Life Thirsty

I’ll never forget reading the story of the woman at the well in John 4, and having these words hit me like a wave:

“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
(John 4:13–14)

I was living life thirsty.

The freedom didn’t come from just reading that verse. It came from holding it in my heart.

Then came another one:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
(Romans 12:2)

I had to let God's Word renew my mind. I couldn’t just read these verses once and expect a change. I had to replace my old thoughts with these truths—over and over—until I believed them.

The More Scripture I Knew, The More I Grew

That’s when everything shifted:
I stopped seeking relationships to define my value…
And I started letting God fill me.

That wasn’t the only area I struggled with. But I kept pressing in.

• I wrestled with my worth… and remembered, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:14)
• I doubted God’s plan… and clung to, "For I know the plans I have for you… plans to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)
• I felt misunderstood… and held on to, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." (Jeremiah 1:5)

Our walk with Christ isn’t just about knowing who God is. It’s about letting His truth change how we think—and then believing it deep enough to walk in it.

People-Pleasing & Picnic Baskets

As I found confidence in who I was in Christ, I started loving myself differently. Not from a place of pride, but from a place of truth.

I used to be what you’d call a people pleaser. And honestly? I still struggle with it—especially with two groups: my family and my past relationships. Their approval matters deeply to me. But it shouldn’t control me.

Here’s a story.

This past Mother’s Day, we planned a hike to Cedar Creek Falls. I packed a picnic for my mom so we could eat by the waterfall. Cute, right?

Except… it was hot. Like, one of the hottest days of the year. I ditched the picnic basket right away—it became survival mode. What was supposed to be a quick 1.5-mile hike turned out to be more like 2.5 miles each way.

My brother, who was supposed to coach a game afterward, came along. So now I’m juggling two priorities: make my brother happy by keeping us on schedule, and give my mom the “experience of a lifetime.”

We rushed. I pushed. I skipped the waterfall. And in the end, I overexerted my mom, missed my own moment of joy, and still had to let my brother go ahead.

Why?

Because I was trying to please everyone—again.

But here’s the thing: knowing I’m already loved by Christ helps me avoid bending myself out of shape just to keep people happy. It’s a constant battle, but it’s a battle worth fighting.

The Thief of Joy: Comparison

Even once you’ve found peace, there’s one more enemy: comparison.

Love Yourz by J. Cole has always had a double meaning for me. It’s a message about finding peace—whether you have little or much—and it echoes something Paul once wrote:

“I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything... For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”
(Philippians 4:11–13)

Comparison will rob you of joy faster than anything. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve come—there will always be someone smarter, richer, healthier, or “ahead” of you.

But Scripture reminds me: contentment isn't complacency—it’s confidence that I’m right where God wants me to be, as long as I’m walking in obedience.

Love Yourz

Learning to love yourself isn’t about building up an ego. It’s about seeing yourself the way God already sees you.

You can chase identity through work, relationships, money, image—but you’ll still feel thirsty.

Or… you can come to the well.

Let His truth fill you, let His Word renew you, and let His love define you.

Because when you believe that you are loved, chosen, and complete in Christ—
You’ll stop trying to earn it elsewhere.